We've had a long cycle of trying and failing, getting back together, and then crashing and burning again. It generally starts because we can't stand not to talk to each other, so one of us will send a text with a funny story or an "I miss you.
Once in a while, these conversations are light-hearted and fine. The lines are murkier for couples without children, but Sussman says those who dated when they were young, were friends first, dated casually or were together only for a short time are good candidates for friendship. Robin Zabiegalski, a year-old writer who lives in Vermont, is a notable counterexample. The research supports that notion.
Studies suggest that couples who remain in contact for the same reasons — whether those are pragmatic or sentimental — are more likely to have successful friendships, while staying in touch because of unresolved romantic desires is a predictor of negative outcomes. If you decide to try a friendship with an ex, Sussman suggests taking a break first. A lot of insight can come with time and space apart. That goes for social media as well as in-person interactions.
Breakups, no matter how they ended, are never easy. But, time heals all wounds, as they say, or at least some of them. But, before you do that, you need to get in the right mind set first.
This one can be tricky. You may miss them romantically, but you also may miss them as a friend. It's not always clear exactly what you miss about them, but it's important to determine whether these feelings are intensely romantic or not.
Make sure you're not setting yourself up for emotional pain. Talking to an ex when you're drunk can mean trouble. Texting, emailing, or post anything on their Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or whatever other million forms of social media exist could be something you'll quickly regret the next day.
What sucks about breaking up with someone is that eventually they will start dating again and that someone, because you broke up, won't be you. It's only when your ex can bring up the new person they're dating and you know you won't fly into a jealous rage, that you can talk to them. I feel like this one is hard. If you want to get back together…. If your goal is closure…. Do be realistic about how your ex will respond. Do be respectful of their current relationship status.
Do ask to meet in person when appropriate. Don't continue to contact them if they don't respond. Kelly Gonsalves is a multi-certified sex educator and relationship coach based in Brooklyn, as well as the sex and relationships editor at mindbodygreen. She has a degree in journalism More On This Topic Sex. Kelly Gonsalves.
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