It may seem like charismatic people are born charming, but the truth is that likability can be learned and honed, just like any other skill. Start with these 10 secrets to become one of those friendly and super-likable people that everyone feels comfortable around and wants to get to know better. The fastest way to kill your likability is to come off as fake, aloof or indifferent. But keep in mind that others are trying to get a read on you.
Be aware of how you are presenting yourself to others and do your best to develop an open, friendly demeanor. Let your personality shine through and practice opening up, in both verbal and nonverbal ways. Make eye contact. Nod to show you are listening. Lean in when someone is speaking to you.
People are naturally drawn to others who are genuine and who are comfortable in their own skins. Related; 13 Habits of Exceptionally Likable People. So often we are in a rush to get a word in edgewise when we are talking to others. When someone else is speaking, we only half listen while we are contemplating how to respond. By being too quick to insert ourselves into a conversation , we often miss a chance to establish a connection with the other person.
If you cut into a conversation, you can make the other person feel like you are shutting them down before they have a chance to fully explain. Act as if the person you are speaking with is the most important person in the world. Practice actively listening to them -- really concentrate on what they are saying.
But do ask follow-up questions. This will help them feel heard and let them know that you sincerely took the time to understand what they were saying. We all love to take the spotlight from time to time. If you're extroverted, you may live to be the life of the party. But people who are consumed with getting attention may be missing all kinds of opportunities to offer value and be of service to those around them. If you come off as conceited or self-important, people may not want to spend a lot of time around you.
They seek to shift the focus to those around them. They know how to praise others without being excessive. They understand the importance of bringing others into the conversation and pulling a quieter person out of their shell. Put down your smartphone, step away from your digital devices and focus on the humans in front of you.
How to. Etiquette Coach. Expert Interview. More References 2. About This Article. Co-authored by:. Co-authors: Updated: October 25, Categories: Kindness. Article Summary X To be friendly and kind, start by smiling more at people to put them at ease. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 46, times.
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Zainab Ibrahim Oct Angelina Tieu Jan 16, I will have new friends, new teacher. I want to be friendly and kind so I will not be lonely. Thank you so much, wikiHow! Charlie Farewell Apr 4, Nice and friendly. Maurice Mack Dec 31, Anonymous Jun 3, Share yours! At the end of the night mention, for example, that everyone is going to a concert in the next two weeks if they want to come. If there's a new person at work, fill them in on the general goings on of the office, and let them know everyone in your department usually grabs lunch together at Mention that you and three other people usually play football on Thursday evenings if they want to join in.
If you're at work and everyone is going out for lunch then go as well. If they all eat lunch at a certain time and place, then eat lunch then too. If you're at a party and everyone is talking on the front porch, go join them. If you're at a bar and everyone is hanging around on the couches downstairs, then you may as well be there too. Show you want to spend time with the friends you came with.
And once you're there, join in whatever they're doing. Don't hang back and focus on something else. Spend time with people more often. Spend longer periods of time with them. Spend time with more of them. If when you normally see your friends, you leave after a few hours, try spending half the day with them.
If you only visit your friends once a week, try seeing them more often if they're willing and not too busy. If you usually keep to yourself at work, and only talk to people at lunch, try interacting with your co-workers a little more during the workday. If you only see some acquaintances of yours under specific circumstances e. If this piece of advice seems like something you'd like to try, but you quickly get drained in social situations, and worry you wouldn't last long, then you may want to look at this article:.
Bring food or drinks to a party when it wasn't expected that you do so. Perform basic courtesies like holding a door open. Buy a friend a drink or a shot if you're out at a bar. However, less is more. If you're overly "nice" and giving you can be taken for granted, taken advantage of, or come across as if you're trying too hard to please everyone and make them like you.
It also puts people in an awkward situation where they feel uncomfortable taking so many free handouts. Are you afraid of something new?
Socially anxious? Or just feeling lazy? These aren't the greatest reasons to miss out on a good time. Have a bustling social life. If you want to be friendlier, then you have to spend more time with your friends. Spending more time around other people will make you be a more socially aware and sensitive person who is used to talking to other people.
Try to fill your calendar with parties, social engagements, group hiking, biking, swimming trips, and other fun friend-filled outings if you want to be friendly more regularly. To have a bustling social life, you have to make your social life a priority.
Don't let work, school, or other commitments get in your way -- not too much, at least. It's important to have a busy social life, but you should also save some time for yourself. You'll need to decompress, especially if you're not used to spending so much time around other people. Practice being friendlier to people you don't like. This may be a tough pill to swallow. You don't have to become BFFs with your greatest enemy to work on being friendlier to people in your orbit -- whether it's your uptight math teacher, your crotchety uncle, or that kind-of quiet girl who is on the fringes of your social circle.
You'll be surprised by how good you'll feel about being nicer to someone instead of giving them the cold shoulder, and that person may surprise with friendliness in return. Make a list of 5 people that you have always treated sort of coldly. Find ways to be nice to each of these people -- even if you feel they don't deserve it.
Forgiveness is a key quality to being friendlier. Holding grudges can make you angry on the inside, and that may affect your attitude on the outside. Overcome your insecurities.
Part of the reason that you may not be the friendliest person in the world might be that you're lacking confidence and think that people will judge you any time you open your mouth. Ask yourself what lies behind your distrust or coldness to other people and see if it has to do more with what you think of yourself.
If that's the case, then work on loving the person you are, loving what you do, and addressing the flaws that need some work. Of course, overcoming your insecurities can take years of hard work, but recognizing this as one of the sources of your problem with being friendly can make you be more willing to be nice to others. Remember that they may be just as insecure as you are, maybe more.
Befriend people of your age and stage. A stage of life could be being a college student, being a young professional, being a middle-aged mother, or being an older person who spends more time alone. Finding people who are around your age and your stage will make you more likely to find time to hang out and will give you more things to talk about. For example, if you're a young mother, join a young mothers group and you'll be on the way to making some amazing new friends.
Show a genuine interest in people. This is the key to not just looking friendly, but actually being a friendly person. A real friendly person actually cares about others and wants to make them feel comfortable.
A real friendly person is concerned when others are upset and uplifted when others are happy; a real friendly person doesn't talk to people just to look cooler or to have more Facebook friends. If you really want to be friendly, then you have to remember this whenever you talk to people. If you actually care about them -- they will be able to tell.
Of course, you can't possibly take an interest in everyone in your orbit. But the more you try to be nice to people, the more natural it will feel.
Remember that being friendly has nothing to do with being fake. And that it has everything to do with being more approachable, treating people with respect, and giving off a positive energy. Surround yourself with friendly people. Not only will they model the kinds of behaviors that you want to emulate, but you may find that their positive energy and friendly attitudes are contagious!
When you are around friendly people, others will feel better about approaching you. Being involved with unfriendly, intimidating or rude people makes others wary about approaching or talking to you. They may fear being confronted by those people, or they may simply assume that you are the same as them because you just hang out with them. Adam Dorsay, PsyD. Look for some areas in your life where you can soften and become a little bit more present. If you're always worrying about every little thing that could possibly go wrong in the future and it's keeping you out of the present, that could be making it harder to be easygoing.
Not Helpful 3 Helpful 0. How can I become a friendly person when everyone knows me as a silent, sometimes negative person? Paul Chernyak, LPC. Some people will not care for you no matter what you do, but true friends will stick around.
Also, try to engage with strangers first to hone your skills and possibly expand your social circle. Not Helpful 7 Helpful I love a girl who happens to be very intelligent. I'm usually unsure of how to start conversation with her and keep it going. Being spontaneous has been a challenge. How can I get through this?
Learn to relax and avoid putting her on a pedestal. Just speak your mind and you should be fine. You can try "Slow Talk" as well. It will help you feel more calm. Not Helpful 8 Helpful
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